December is a time for happiness! Christmas songs, baking smells of cinnamon throughout the house, children’s laughter and pure happiness during the Christmas season. So many good times are to be had in the month of December. What about those that have lost their loved one during this joyous month? Or had a father that took his life the day after Christmas?

Ouch. That’s a heavy statement. The Christmas season isn’t the same anymore. I remember that Christmas right before my dad died. I was happy. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression but I was truly happy. I remember dancing in the kitchen with my kids. I worked on a painting project the day after Christmas. I was excited for the future. Then I was woken up that night with the worst call anyone could get. “It’s dad. He died”. My world fell apart.

I am not missing the times my dad and I shared together during Christmas. That’s because we didn’t get together during December. My parents lived in a different state since I was 22. I was on my own since then. What we did have together was thanksgiving. We always came together at my sisters house. We enjoyed taking the kids to the zoo, museums, hikes, or the movies. With my dad always tagging along while my mom stayed home to cook.

Even though I didn’t spend time with my dad during the Christmas holidays, it’s still hard for me. Because my dad called before Christmas in pain. He was depressed and hurting. Then he took his life the day after Christmas. His birthday was December 29th. So all of the Christmas smells, all of the holiday songs, all of the snow, everything about Christmas reminds of the pain and suffering he went through.

It’s a tough time for some people. Don’t judge others. People can be angry this season. Maybe they are hurting inside. In anything you do, just. Be. Kind.

Sending love to those that are silently hurting or going through things we don’t talk about. I see you! I hear you! And you are not alone!

Hugs,

Sarah