Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough? That at your best, you still feel unworthy? Feelings of guilt for not being able to do your best? Me too.
It’s been tough. To say the least. Depression has absolutely kicked my butt. I feel like I have been a bad mom. Not fun enough. Yell too much. Get irritated more than I should. Mother’s Day comes around and all I see is on social media is how great other mother’s are. Even though these mothers’ being honoring ARE pretty amazing, there’s still that thought…’Am I really good enough?’ Lot’s of thoughts, of comparing myself to other moms.
I went to my church’s temple the other day with a dear friend. I tried to clear my brain and await for answers. I tried so hard to keep my heart and ears open for any answers that the holy spirit may bring to me. I was doing my duty, being at the temple. That’s where we go when we are feeling down and need answers, right?! Here’s the answers that I got… nothing. Sounds like a worthless trip to the temple right? WRONG! Heavenly Father needed to teach me a lesson. A lesson in pride and patience. I wanted so badly to get answers to my struggles. I thought, ‘Well, I am here. I will get to feel my dad and the holy spirit.’ Nope. Didn’t happen. Why? I think because I came to the temple with selfish intentions. I wanted my dad to send me a message that he was ok. I wanted the Spirit to tell me I am doing good enough. And if I didn’t get those answers, than my expectation would have been for nothing. What I did witness was the joy of a couple who went through the temple for the first time. The confidence and excitement that my friend had, this being her second time in this area of the temple. I was too focused on myself and my struggles, to see all the love that Heavenly Father truly has for each and every one of us. When I look back to that night at the temple, there was so much happiness and love in that building and on the temple grounds. I was just too selfish to see it at the time.
No, I didn’t get an answer at the temple. But I truly believe Heavenly Father answers our prayers through others. On Mother’s Day, I got a text from a very wise and wonderful friend, to meet her outside my door. She comes to the door, hands me a vase filled with beautiful flowers and a card. She gives me the most loving hug, and wishes me a happy mothers day. I thought that was the sweetest thing. I opened the card she gave me a couple hours later. What was written in that card, was an answer to my prayers in the temple. Tears flowed. This is my testimony that God will NOT forsaken us. He loves each of us.
As you go through your days, and feel like you might have failed with this or that, you are still good enough. Even after a tough day, my kids still come up to me and tell me they love me and make sure they always say good night. If I have done anything for them, I sure taught them forgiveness! They are so easy to forgive me for the yelling and irritation I may have. They have also taught ME about forgiveness. Forgiving myself. We are our worst critics. We need to be easy on ourselves!
If you would like to know more about my church, check out lds.org.