Depression. Sadness. Sorrow. These are all the things we feel while grieving. These can be more intense when grieving a loved one who decided to take their life. We feel so much guilt and pain, that I think it can lead into a deeper depression.
I have been miserable the last week. I can hide it well for the most part, but sometimes it is easy to see. My eyes are swollen from crying in my sleep. I am exhausted. I just want to sleep the day away. I want comfort food all the time. My kids have watched way too much tv. So yesterday I decided I am going to change that. I am going to stop feeling bad for myself. I am going to pick myself up off the ground and move on. Now there isn’t really a true ‘moving on’ from this. I can’t change what happened. I had no control over that. What I do have control over, is how I decide to spend my days. I can decide to do things that make me happy. Have fun with my family. That doesn’t mean I will be thinking about rainbows and unicorns. Far from that. What I will do, is try my best to be humble in every situation. My dad would want me to be happy and enjoy this life that I have. I am always going to have a cloud over my head for the rest of my life because my dad chose to take his life. I have the choice of how dark that cloud is going to be. I can let some rays of sunshine come down through that cloud. Some days the cloud will be quite dark, some days rain will come, but I am going to try and bring sunshine in.