So many people ask this question when burdened with grief. Where is God? Why would he desert me in this time of need? Why did he let my father take his life? Sometimes it questions our faith in God. A true test.
I am here to tell you: Heavenly Father is here. He mourns with us, cries with us, cradles us. He knows our hearts and our intentions. He has not forsaken us in this time of need.
After I came home from dealing with the aftermath of my dad’s passing, I had a lot of comfort and inspiration. It was hard coming home and trying to begin a new normal for me. I have a few inspiring stories to share.
One day, I put on my dad’s music and just started crying. I remember sitting in a ball in my kitchen, crying. Praying to my Heavenly Father. I needed comfort. I missed my dad so much. About an hour later, the doorbell rang. My daughter’s friend dropped off freshly baked bread and a lovely card. I was making chicken soup for dinner and the bread would go perfect with it. The card shared words of comfort. It was just what I needed. God had given me the comfort that I needed at that time.
Another day that week I wanted to look up the hymn ‘How Great Thou Art’ that was going to be sung at my dad’s funeral. I had my daughter bring me some older hymn books we had. There were 3 of them. I chose one and opened it up. When I saw the page, I smiled. My dad’s name was apart of the composer’s name. The name of the hymn was perfect. Then I looked at the bottom of the page. It was hand written and sort of a puzzle, ‘Look at page 100’.
So I turned to page 100. I smiled again! The first part of the hymn says, ‘Lord, accept into thy kingdom Each repentant humbled one.’ Oh how I wanted to know that my dad was free from suffering and ‘accepted’ into Heaven. The handwritten note said to look at the back of the book.
So I flipped to the last page of the book. Three simple words. I love you. I don’t think that could have been any sweeter. My dad loves me! And so does Heavenly Father!
I laughed and then cried. I cried tears of comfort and peace. I knew my dad was ok. That Heavenly Father has him. That he is comforted and free of suffering. Oh how much I needed to hear that!
My visiting teacher dropped off some freezer meals for me. Just because. I couldn’t be more grateful for that. That in itself was such a great blessing. We then started talking about our dads. Her dad had the same cancer and some of the same side effects my dad had. It brought me comfort to know that my dad was not alone in his pain and suffering. And that I wasn’t alone with my own suffering, watching my dad suffer. She said that there was a reason she was placed here to be my visiting teacher.
God is amazing. He answers our sincere prayers through others. Through experiences. He will not leave us comfortless and alone. Heavenly Father and his angels surround us daily.
One night, while I was driving to pick up my daughter from my friends house, I felt that my dad was there. I was thinking about him and how he just loved to ‘come along for the drive’. He enjoyed accompanying others, and being around people, even if he didn’t say much. So while I was having those thoughts, it felt like he was sitting in the passenger seat. Just content and happy to be riding along with me. Smiling even. At peace. It felt so real that I even had to look over at the seat!
I know that I can turn to God for comfort, peace, strength, anything! He answers our prayers at the perfect times in our lives. He knows us and loves us so much.