It’s been awhile

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Photo by Lukas on

It’s been awhile, since I’ve written anything. 7 months to be exact. In that time, we celebrated kids’ birthdays, had our 7th and last baby in May, been busy with doctors appointments, and the events with summer. Life moves on.

After a loss life might seem like it sits still, but is moving on for others. It’s like sitting still while the world spins. I remember what that was like after my dad passed away. I was frozen in time and it was hard to move on, physically and emotionally. Time does eventually move on and it won’t feel frozen forever. There’s always hope. Even if its a sliver of it.

There’s been grief for friends of mine recently. Tragic losses. It’s so hard to see my friends go through the grief of it all, knowing what it feels like. If I could, I would take that grief away. But I can’t.

Recently, I was able to listen to a devotional talk by an authority in my church, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. He explained that we will have hardships in our life, tragic ones. He tells us that God loves broken things. He related it to wheat. We need broken wheat to make bread. It takes broken clouds to nourish the earth. He wants to heal our broken hearts. We need to trust, believe and perservere. How are we going to learn anything if we lived a perfect life? Whatever you believe in, believe in hope. There is hope, help, and healing if you open your heart to it.

My mission of this blog was to help others going through what I endured. Hoping to make the sting a bit easier to work through. In turn, I learned alot about myself. It’s very theraputic to write about our struggles, and our triumphs.

I have felt at peace about my dad for awhile now. I love him and miss him so much. I still wish he was here. I really miss our talks. It was strange not being able to talk to him after I had my son. But I knew he was there.

Last night I had a dream about my dad. I was sitting together with family at the dinner table, and he appeared in the empty seat across from me. His presense was so strong. The presense was ‘heavy’ or ‘solid’ if that makes any sense. It truly felt that he was sitting across the table from me, in his Earthly body. He was wearing his typical flannal shirt, and was chewing on a toothpick like he used to do. He was smiling and laughing. He let me know that he is here with all of us, like a puppy that follows its mom, never being far from our side. And from time to time he will communicate with us when we really need it. But that we should be comforted to know that he won’t ever leave our sides, even if we don’t feel his presense.

I miss him so much! Some days I still can’t believe he ended his life the way he did. It gives me comfort though, knowing he is watching over us. I know that I will see him again.

If you are grieving and its becoming tough, don’t give up. Have hope. There is always hope. I promise it will get better.




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