Today is National Survivors of Suicide Day. A day where people can come together to help each other with their losses. But what if I don’t want to? Does that make me an angry, non compassionate person?
Lately, I’ve felt irritable, angry, and depressed. I am angry that my dad decided to leave us. I am frustrated about this never ending grief cycle. The emotions I have processed are coming back around. I have to deal with this never ending circle of grief for the rest of my life. Anger, sadness, shock, depression, compassion. Over and over again.
When life gets overwhelming, which it definitely has these last couple of months, my emotions always go back to my dad and the grief that I have. Although it is healthy to go through the emotions of my grief and deal with them as they come, I don’t want to. I’ve been putting it on the back burner, saving it for later. Hoping that maybe it will just go away for a bit. Maybe I am being stubborn. I have other things going on right now that I just don’t want to put energy into my grief over my dad. I have enough energy going elsewhere.
I know what I need to do. I need to set some time and energy dealing with my grief emotions right now. Only that way, I can be a better person to myself and those around me.
Some advice for those struggling. Dig deep and find the root cause. Meditate on it. Set aside time for yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. Don’t demand too much of yourself during grief. Forgive yourself, over and over.
I think that’s my biggest mistake. Not doing what I think I should do, and being disappointed in myself. I don’t think there’s a right way to do anything. I think what matters is the direction you take. A positive direction is better than a negative direction. If you get off track, don’t be disappointed. Give yourself time, and forgive yourself. Hang in there! There is a season for everything. Life is full of ups and downs. Life will not always be bubbly and happy, and that’s ok.
A quote that was given to me when I needed it the most was this:
‘Things are about to get so clear for you. Any funk you’ve been experiencing lately was just a period of self-reflection and rest required for you to step back and reconnect with yourself. Don’t judge why you feel the way you do. Allow it to flow through and release it with peace.’ (Found on Idillionaire on Instagram)