Time

Time. Time heals. Time helps forget. Lost time causes guilt. One thing that’s constant in life is the continuous ticking of seconds on the eternal clock of time.

Time has so many properties. Time dulls the pain of guilt. The passing of time allows us to forget, compartmentalize our memories and feelings. Time allows us to move on, live life. Time also has a funny way of taking me back to that fateful day. Reliving memories and feelings of my dad’s death. Time has so much power over us. We are powerless to its control. Time also has a power in it, that it can help us realize how much we’ve grown and the many things we have accomplished in our lives. I think back to my grief timeline. The shock of my dad’s death is gone (for the most part). I can see how much I’ve grown. I can’t believe my family and I got through that tough first year. The planning of the funeral. The struggle of grief after the funeral was over and everyone went back to their normal lives. While my family and I had to start a new normal and realize my dad is never coming back.

Time’s control over people are different for everyone. For the most part, I am content. I don’t struggle with grief as I did the first year after my dad’s death. Even when time pulls me back to the past, I can control how I deal with the grief that time has thrown me back into. I am a survivor.

Here’s where I go back in time, remembering my dad at my wedding. His funny, unique dance where he points and does a jig. When he was so nervous to walk his baby down the isle. I had to give him a pep talk in the hallway before the wedding march started. The time when my dad gave a speech, calling Dusty a “man’s man”. Telling everyone the story of how he would show my previous boyfriends his gun collection and reloading station. How those boyfriends never stuck around, but Dusty did.

Getting ready to dance to our wedding song, My Girl.
His signature pointing dance. When the lyrics played ‘My girl… talkin’ bout my girl’.
Before the march I said, “It’s ok dad. Let’s go!”
His famous wedding speech.

Time is many things. However it makes you feel, and what memories it brings to the surface, good or bad, just try and endure. Relish those good memories time brings, and endure trough the tough ones.

Hugs,

Sarah

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